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| I mean, come on--look at this jacket design!! |
If you read nothing else this year, read Caitlin Doughty's debut collection of essays Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessonsfrom the Crematory. It’s not what you think. Perhaps you see that word—crematory—and wince. Perhaps you’ve had
a rough year and death looms large. Or you don’t want to jinx a splendid year. Or
just don’t like to think about death. This book is surely morbid and
depressing, right? Wrong!
Now, I won’t go so far as Smoke Gets in Your Eyes is the MOST UPLIFTING THING you’ll read all
year. Instead of a cheerleader, Caitlin Doughty is a firm realist. Her voice is that of the friend you go to when you want the unflinching truth. She
does not revel in death. Nor does she abhor it. Rather, she approaches death
with a scholar’s focus and the passion of person who has found her calling in
the industry.
One part memoir to one part anthropology-meets-sociology
study, Doughty is frank in her portrayal of the many aspects of the death
industry with which she has been involved. Her flair for the written word makes
her descriptions of some tasks—from embalming a corpse in advances stages of
decay to shaving babies—easy to imagine and difficult to shake. This is exactly the point. Most people in this
country believe death is a frightening, abstract thing that should be overcome,
but when the battle is lost—preferably behind closed doors—professionals are
required for the clean-up. That’s not fair. Doughty feels it’s time for people in the US to face
death. Given that it is the one thing everyone on this planet has in
common—we’re all terminal from the day we’re born—death should be the one thing
we can count on to bring us together.
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| Doughty--labor of love.
I learned from Smoke
Gets in Your Eyes that a typical American funeral home is invested in
driving a wedge between people and death. Bodies are embalmed and covered with
makeup to look “natural” so grieving families aren’t shocked during viewings,
and then buried in metal coffins to stave off decay. There are infinite ways to
“personalize” death—if you can afford them. In this day and age, you can even order
a cremation online: have the cremationist pick up the body, prepare it, process
it, and deliver the ashes to your front door. For a price, a person can choose
not to face death. These are the supplies our death denying culture demands.
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Once upon a time, every house included a “dying room,”
usually at the front of the house. We have replaced these with “living rooms,”
filled the space used for death at home and quiet reflection with TVs and
couches, and people are trundled off to nursing homes and hospitals to die.
Whereas once people could die in the privacy and familiar surroundings of their
own homes to be cared for by loved ones upon death, today most Americans would
rather leave death to professionals. Caitlin Doughty believes—and I agree after
reading Smoke Get in Your Eyes—that this
is a sad state of affairs.
My problem with this hands-off approach to death is
the same problem I have with hospital intervention in birth: if a person wants
to handle life-alterings event in the comfort of their own home, they should be
allowed to. I’m not saying that amateur hour is nigh—just that professionals shouldn’t
intervene or control intimate moments if the family doesn’t want them to. If a
person wants to handle the preparation and burial of someone they love, they can! It is safe and legal to wash and
dress the body of a deceased loved one. There are laws in this country against
home burial (check with your state, county, and district), but if you want a
loved one to die at home and you want to grieve with them, and to wash and
dress the body for a particular ritual, this is perfectly within your legal
right. To say this another way, if your loved one is dying and they don’t need a hospital, they don’t have to die
in a hospital—they can die at home. This is the crux of the revolution…because
many of you might be thinking that if your loved one is dying, they must
certainly need a hospital.
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| The Marilyn Munster of the Death Industry. |
You may be tempted to write Doughty off: she’s
young, vivacious, healthy, perky, pretty, optimistic, and neatly groomed, so
what could she possibly know about death? Doughty is all these things, and she
certainly has her critics. But Doughty is also whip smart. She’s the founder of
The Order of the Good Death, a salon gathering thinkers from myriad fields to
discuss the death revolution. She keeps a blog and posts regular “Ask aMortician” videos on the Order website. In Smoke,
we learn that Doughty is a woman who understands that the best way to change
the industry is from within. She completed mortuary school, despite differing
views on some of her instructors’ messages and practices, to validate herself
to critics who interpret her Polly Anna demeanor as naiveté and lack of
industry experience. Doughty is the Marilyn Munster of the Death Industry. She
doesn’t fit in with traditionalists—and this has nothing to do with her looks.
Rather, she is out of place with traditionalists because she believes a
revolution is necessary. After reading Smoke
Gets in Your Eyes, I agree wholeheartedly.
Caitlin Doughty’s mission is only beginning with The
Order of the Good Death, “Ask a Mortician,” and Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. One aspect of this work is to address the
myriad misconceptions about death and dying that are so pervasive in the US.
Another piece of the puzzle is to address the funerary rites our culture deems
acceptable. Did you know that there are midwives who specialize in helping
families cope with grief? Yeah! They’re called death doulas. Did you know that
you don’t necessarily need to be embalmed or cremated? Nope! You can choose a
“green burial,” which is placement in the soil at a green burial site, covered
in just a simple shroud or a biodegradable vessel (like a wicker casket). No
headstone necessary: should your loved ones want to visit your grave, they can
take a GPS waypoint at the green burial location or plant a tree that will then
absorb your decaying body as nutrients. Artist and designer Jae Rhim Lee has even developed
something called an Infinity Burial Suit, which is a black garment laced with
infinity mushroom spores. Cultivated with the amazing ability to break down the
tissues of the human body, these mushrooms can even process toxins and heavy
metals.
